Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
