Its about making memories worth repressing
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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