Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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