I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
