After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
