you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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