i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
