I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
