I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
