he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
