now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
