she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
