im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
