If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
