never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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