woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize