I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
