Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
