i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
