Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
