When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
