If that was your dad, he is hot
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
