so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
