so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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