On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
