look no pants
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
