My cat gives me a boner
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
