YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
