is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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