i was born a porn star she said
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
