On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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