it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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