Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
