oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
