I feel like I'm in dance class right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
