she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
