If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize