The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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