i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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