When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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