I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
