Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize