i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
