I wish I could punch you in the face.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
