I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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