Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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