I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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