do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
