Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
