you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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