You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
