it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
