last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
