why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
