and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
