i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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