So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
