I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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