He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
