Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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