there's paper in my vomit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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