I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
