Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
